A chance to be happy
by Igraine
Summary: Post love among, Max and Alec think about being happy
1. could I be happy with you

Summary- set after love among the ruins. Max and Alec wonder how they can be happy.  
  
rating- pg- might change  
  
disclaimer- I own none of the characters, If I did, Alec would so be pining over me, not Max.  
  
Pairing- Max/Alec of course  
  
A/N-this is just a piece that I felt running through my mind, and had to write. If I get allot of review asking me to continue, then I will, otherwise, it will just end here. I was just worried that I wouldn't be able to write this after the season finale, because the virus might be cured or something. Alec just never seems to win on that show, so I decided to write it sooner rather then latter. Hope you enjoy ;)  
  
A chance to be happy  
  
Could I be happy with you?  
  
She's looking at the tattoo on her wrist again. Running her fingers nervously over it. "I hate this. I hate not knowing what's going on, and what this means" she's saying. I just lean back. She's been doing this all night.  
  
I wish she would leave. Let me be alone with my thoughts, but then I think no. I can't leave her. I can't let her leave. I have to take care off her. That's what he said any way. Why did Logan have to say that. How dare he. Before yesterday I was fine. She was Max, my friend. A good friend, one of my only real friends, but just a friend. But now, now I can't look at her, but I have to. Was he right? Could she really be happy with me? Just because I'm like her?  
  
No, I can't think like that now. That's not what she needs. Or is it. Damn it. Damn Logan. Damn her. I'm not supposed to feal like this. I'm not supposed to look at Max and think, 'is she thinking about me?' I'm not supposed to feel warmth all through my body whenever I touch her in the slightest way. And Before Logan said that, I didn't. But now, now I can't think of anything but her.  
  
All those things about him letting her go. About her being happy with someone like her. A freak. A genetically engineered freak. That's what we are. But it didn't matter to him. It doesn't matter to me either. "your not listening to me are you" she says angrily kicking my knee.  
  
I wasn't. "Ow" I say rubbing where she kicked. I'm gonna have a bruise there. Her look holds no sympathy. She plops down next to me on the couch, and looks at me. And then she does something so strange. So childish. So un Max like. She sticks her tongue out at me. I can't help but laugh. I grab her hand and look at the tattoo. At least that's what I tell myself. Really I just want to feel her smooth small hand in mine. I run a finger over the marks. "you have no idea what they say?" I ask her again.  
  
"Actually, I know exactly what they say, I just wanted to see if you could figure it out" she said sarcastically. She leans back and sighs. She's sitting close to me now, closer then she ever used to sit. Lately, ever since she told me about Ben, we've been closer. More like friends. Friends, I repeat the word to myself. When she told me about Ben I didn't think, I just wrapped an arm around her, and kissed her head, offering the only comfort I could think of. That had been a friend thing, that was before. If only she hadn't told him that we were together. Maybe I could stop these newly found feelings that were running through me.  
  
But I'll be good to her. Even if it's only as a friend. I'll take care of her now. She thinks she can take care of her self, she can't. And Logan can't take care of her either anymore. Same story gos for Zack. So that just leaves me. And I'll do what ever it takes to make sure she's all right. "you okay?" I ask her, painfully aware that I'm still holding her hand, and that she isn't pulling her hand away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Am I okay? he asks. Of course I'm not okay. Logans out of my life for good. I don't have him anymore, and it hurts. It feels like I've been pounded with bricks. Tattoos are covering my body, and I have no idea what they say. The world is turning against me and everyone like me. And he asks if I'm okay. He cares now. I don't know why. What did Logan say to him? Apparently that he needs to take care of me. His face is full of concern right now. His soft features are in one of the few serious expressions that he has. I have want to put a hand on that face, see if his skin is as soft and flawless as it looks.  
  
I don't. That would be wrong. Everything is wrong with Alec. for starters, he's Alec. But here he is, holding my hand, asking me if I'm all right. The thought, on top of everything else, brings me to tears. I guess that answers his question. "I'm fine" I say through sobs. He doesn't believe me. I didn't think he would. 'Don't cry' he had said earlier 'he said I have to take care of you'. Would he take care of me? Is he going to now? Well, I'm crying, let's see.  
  
"Of course you are" he says. He pulls me to him a little. I'm already pretty close to him though, so now half on top of him. I rest my head against his chest. He's taking care of me all right. He's stroking my hair, and whispering how things will be okay. I wish he was right. that things would be okay. Logan told Alec that he let me go, so that I could be happy. Could I be happy with Alec? Could he be happy with me? His mouth must be right by my ear, because I can feel his warm breath on me. He's running his fingers through my hair, and breathing on my ear. Why is he doing this? Why does he suddenly care so much? It was so must easier to be around him when he was just a jerk. things were so much less confusing.  
  
I move my head up so that I am facing him, our lips are just inches apart. If I leaned in just a little it would be a kiss. A kiss with those beautiful full pink lips. He moves a hand to my face, and I reach up a hand and rest it on his cheek. I was right, his skin is just as smooth and flawless as it looks. He kisses my cheek, just barely touching the corner of my mouth with his, and leans his forehead against mine. I sit here, half on his lap, staring into his eyes. they're beautiful, and full of emotion. I can't tell what emotion though. His blue irises sparkle with tints of green, I could stay here forever, looking into these eyes. I reach my other hand up so I am now holding his face, and he does the same to me.  
  
I kiss his forehead, letting my lips linger on the soft smoothness of his skin longer then necessary. could we be happy? It's possible I guess. At least I can touch him, and Right now I want to. I want to feel every inch of his body pressed against every inch of mine. Maybe it's just because everything seems to be falling apart now, and he seems to be there ready to pick up the pieces. Maybe I'll regret this latter, but right now I need him, and there's is no denying that I want him, so I kiss him. 


	2. The words of my heart

A/N-Okay, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, once again, if asked to continue, then I'll write another chapter, otherwise it will end here.  
  
A chance to be happy  
  
The words of my heart  
  
Her lips are on mine, I can't believe it. One minute I'm looking into the sad softness of her dark eyes, and the next minute she's kissing me. Not a friend kiss, like my kiss on her cheek, or her kiss on my forehead. But a real kiss. Her full lips feel so soft against mine. Soft and warm. God, I hope she never stops kissing me. This moment his bliss, peace. Peace that I haven't felt for a while.  
  
She does stop kissing me though. She pulls back and looks at me. Her tears have stopped, though she still as the sad look. I wonder if it will ever go away. She looked sad when I first met her, and since then, she's never looked completely happy. I know it's my fault, for giving her that virus, for being such a jerk. But I didn't know her then. I didn't know Logan then. I didn't know anything then. I'll I knew was orders, and I was following mine. I had learned what happened to soldiers that don't follow orders, and I preferred to not experience that again.  
  
And here I am now, sitting with this beautiful sad woman, whose life has become so intertwined with mine. I can't tell what's going on in her mind. She has the strangest look in her eyes. That's my problem, If I'm with a girl I care nothing about, everything's fine. I'm the ladies man. The charmer. They see me, they like what they see, and all I have to do is look into their eyes, smile, and their mine. Like clay in my hands, waiting for me to make into a statue. A statue that is perfect, and a statue that is mine, all mine.  
  
But when it's some one I like, someone I care about, I know nothing. I'm culls, a big dumb dope. I can't read her, I can't mold her into a statue, she's already perfection. But she's not mine, not yet, maybe not ever. Come on Alec, get a hold of your self. This is me, this is what I do. I do it, and I'm good at it. I take a breath, and put on a smile. I hope it's a good one.  
  
The corners of her mouth lift a little into a small smile of her own. "Alec" she says softly "I don't know what I want here" she tells me.  
  
I don't know how to react to this. I know what I want, I want her. I want her to be mine. I want to hold her in my arms forever. I want to have her small warm body curled up at my side each night. And I want to wake up each morning and see her face. But I want to see her face smiling, I want her to be happy. I open my mouth to try and tell her this, but all I can say is "that's okay".  
  
"I mean, I don't know what I want from this. I know that I want you" she says. She wants me. I can't believe it, she wants me. And oh God I want her. "And ya know Alec, the scary thing is I don't care. I don't care about what I don't know, I care about what I do know. And I know that I want you" she lowers her voice and brings her mouth to my ear, and in the smallest of whispers she says, "I think that I need you" she needs me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There. I've said it. Now it's up to him. His move. He's not doing anything's. He's staying still, not saying anything. I move to look at him, his eyes are wide open, starring at me. Oh no, I've ruined everything. I'm so stupid. 'I want you' what was that? that's not me. and 'I need you'? I'm such a moron. I should of known. All my life I've shielded my feelings, and that's always worked. Why did I have to let Alec, of all people, know how I feel.  
  
His expression his changing now. His eyes soften, his lips curl up in a smile, and he kisses me. And he is such a good kisser. Kissing Alec feels like a dance, an art. Like he was born to kiss, it sure feels like it anyway. With those full pink lips, soft and sweet tasting. Like honey. I move so I am completely on him now, a leg on either side of him. My head his above his, leaning down to kiss him. His hand is on my back, rubbing the skin under my shirt. I rest my hand over his neck, where his bar code is beginning to reappear. I hold his face with my other hand, and he does the same with his.  
  
Our first kiss was soft and gentle. this kiss is strong, hungry, and full of passion. A passion that I didn't even know was inside of me. And I deed to be closer to him. I press y upper body against his, needing to feel every bit of warmth he has to offer. I pull my face away from his, gasping for air, and he does the same. His cheeks are flushed with a soft pink shade. May be it's just the desperation in my heart, but at this moment, he is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. My heart is pounding, and I can feel his doing the same. And his eyes, they're bluer then I've ever seen them.  
  
I move my hand away from his face, and rest it on his neck with my other hand. He moves his hand down my body and rests it on the curve of my waist. "Alec" I say, it comes out as more of a moan then I meant it to. I kiss the corner of his mouth, then move my lips down to his chin, down to his neck. His skin is so soft I ca believe it. Most males I've been with have rough skin, but not Alec.  
  
I move away to look at him again. I can't seem to decide weather I want to look at him, or kiss him. "Max" he says in a deep voice. Oh that voice, it's so smooth and relaxed. It's like listening to a piano just hearing him talk. He pulls my shirt up and I allow him to slip it over my head. A back part of my mind is questioning how far I'm going to let this go and I don't know. I don't care. so now I wear only my bra. He runs a hand over one of the tattoos that have appeared on my chest. I pull his black sweater over his head, leaving his torso bare. I run my hands over his chest, taking in the sight of him, before returning my lips to his.  
  
I shiver as a cold breeze blows in from the open window, and He pulls me closer to him, wrapping both arms around me, attempting to shield me from the cold. He rolls us over so that he is lying on top of me on the couch. I run my hands up and down his back. He moves his mouth down and kisses the tattoos that he had caressed a moment ago. His skin is hot against mine, and I cling to him. I cling to him like I have never clung to anyone or anything before. But I have to, I feel as if I let go, just for a moment, then I'll fall.  
  
Everything these past few weeks, especially the last few days, has just been so confusing and complicated. But now, things seem to make a little more sense. And I need them to make sense. Alec looks at me confused, and I realize I'm crying again. His eyes look sad, as sad as mine must look, but he doesn't cry. I almost wish he would cry. It would make him seem more real. Right now he doesn't seem real at all, I'm half afraid that I'll wake up and it will be a dream.  
  
He's just staring at me, and I realize he thinks I'm crying because of him. He starts to pull away, and I just cling tighter. "Please" I say quietly, "Please, let's just stay here like this for a moment" he nods, and rests his head on my chest. My heart is still pounding in my chest, and I can still feel his doing the same. I run my hands through his feathery hair, being content to be with him at the moment, but I can't seem to stop crying.  
  
Alec notices this, and looks up at me. He wipes away my tears, and kisses my eyes, and looks down at me. "Max" he says softly, "I like you" he pauses and looks at my face, probably wondering what I'm thinking, "I like you a lot" he says.  
  
Before tonight, I've never seen this side of him. I mean, he's been kind before, like when I told him about Ben, but the way he just said that was completely different then any side of him I've ever seen. His voice was shaky, shy even. I feel his hand shaking slightly on my face and I grab it. "Your hands are shaking" I say, being unable to find any other words  
  
His expression changes to something I've never seen on his face before. "They are?" he asks in the same voice. He looks at his hands, and let's out something that resembles a laugh. He sits up, still staring at his hands.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She's right. My hands are shaking. I don't know If I can do this. It's all just to familiar. So I sit up and move away from her, starring at my hands. I've felt like this before, and I don't think I can do it again. Especially when it seems so impossible that she could feel the same way. I'm not Logan, and I'll never be Logan. She sits up next to be and puts a hand on my face. "I like you a lot too" she says. I turn to look at her, her tears have stopped. A breeze of cold wind makes me aware we're both shirtless, and I can tell by Max's shivering that she is also tired.  
  
So I stand up, and grab her hand pulling up with me. I put a hand on the smooth dark skin of her face, and kiss her again, reveling in the taste of her mouth. I pull back and look into her dark eyes, then say "I'm going to sleep, you can come with me if you want" and I turn and walk into my room. She'll either follow me of leave. I fear both situations. Now in my room, I take my pants off, and climb into bed wearing only my boxers.  
  
I minute latter, I hear her enter my room. "You can borrow a T-shirt" I tell her. I hear her moving around the room a little, before I feel her climb into bed next to me. I roll over and wrap my arms around her. She nuzzles my neck and settles down. A few minutes later I can hear the slow evening of her breathing, and I know she's asleep. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to claim me. 


End file.
